can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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