I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
