READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
