I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
