I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
