he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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