I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
