Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
