I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
