Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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