i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
