two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
