he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
