i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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