I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
