You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
