i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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