ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
