hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
