Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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