Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize