Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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