Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
