i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
