I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
