I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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