And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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