??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
