So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
