If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
