I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
