Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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