You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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