Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
