And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
