you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
