I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i believe in u and ur pee
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
