Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
