Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
