its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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