just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
