i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
