Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
