i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
