If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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