This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need moral support for this bender
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize