By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
