she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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