I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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