Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
