I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
