when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
