You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize