i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
