that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
