Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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