we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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