Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
