this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize