I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize