My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
