I'm really into asian looking animals
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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