Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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