Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
