My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
